What to set up, at every age.
Almost everything that works is free and already on the devices you own — what costs money is knowing which switches matter. This is the stack we'd set up at each age: four layers, because every control can be bypassed and the layers cover each other's gaps. Find your kid's age and start tonight.
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Ages 6–9
At this age you control the device, full stop. The goal is a walled garden they can't wander out of — and habits that make the later ages easier.
A child account everywhere, never a shared adult login: YouTube Kids over regular YouTube, and if they game, Roblox's under-9 account tier or Minecraft with chat off.
Apple Screen Time or Google Family Link with a parent PIN; app installs require your approval. Consoles too: Switch has the best-designed kid controls of the bunch.
Family-safe DNS at the router so every device in the house gets a baseline filter — five minutes, free, covers the tablet you forgot about.
"If anything on a screen ever scares you or feels weird, come get me — you will never be in trouble for telling me." Said now, it pays off at 13.
Where paid tools fit · Almost nowhere. The built-in controls genuinely cover this age. A kid-safe first device (no app store, no browser) is the one purchase that can make sense if a phone is unavoidable early.
Ages 10–12
The first-phone years and the first real gap between what they do and what you see. Group chats appear; so does the pressure for the apps 'everyone' has.
Set the phone up right on day one — our first-smartphone guide walks both ecosystems. If they're gaming socially: Fortnite, Xbox, PlayStation — and voice chat off by default.
Screen Time / Family Link with downloads gated — vault apps arrive disguised as calculators at exactly this age (our 10-minute phone audit shows what to look for).
Step up from router basics to per-device profiles with NextDNS — and know its limit: it stops at your driveway. Cellular data walks right past it.
"Anyone can pretend to be anyone online." Start the stranger conversations before the DMs start, not after.
Where paid tools fit · This is the one age band where a paid monitoring service can genuinely earn its fee — cross-platform message scanning (the Bark category) catches what per-app controls can't see. Decide WITH your kid, not behind them; covert monitoring costs you the trust that layer 4 runs on.
Ages 13–15
Social media age minimums arrive and supervision shifts from control to visibility. The apps now ship real parent tools — most parents just never connect them.
Link your account to theirs in every big app: Instagram Teen Accounts, Snapchat Family Center, TikTok Family Pairing, Discord Family Center. Each takes ten minutes and survives most arguments.
Keep the OS layer (it gates installs and purchases) and audit periodically — VPN apps and the common bypasses are a teen specialty.
Keep the DNS filter for the household baseline, and treat new device types — including AI chatbots and companion apps — as part of the surface now.
"Nothing you show me will cost you the phone." Sextortion and grooming survive on silence; this sentence is the single highest-leverage control at this age.
Where paid tools fit · Monitoring services still work here but the trade shifts — at this age, tools your teen knows about (linked accounts, agreed check-ins) protect the relationship better than covert scanning. Pay for visibility only if the conversation layer has already broken down.
Ages 16+
You're not configuring their phone much longer. The job now is coaching judgment — and keeping the door open for when something goes wrong.
Loosen deliberately, not by neglect: review together what supervision stays until 18 (purchases? location? messaging?) and what graduates now.
Keep purchase approval and not much else. A 17-year-old with a locked-down phone has a second phone you don’t know about.
The household DNS filter keeps doing its quiet job for every guest and younger sibling. Leave it.
Shift to the adult versions: scams, sextortion, digital footprints that follow them to college applications. They’ll meet all three.
Where paid tools fit · Nothing. Spend the subscription money on the driving lessons.
Not sure where your kid's apps stand?
Run the 30-second safety check for an instant per-app triage, browse the risk catalog, or print the Parent Night Kit and bring this to your school.